he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize