i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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