She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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