And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
