I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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