Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
