i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
