She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
