this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
