omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
