On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize