She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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