She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize