I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
