exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
vagina is talking i cant
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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