Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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