All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
