3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
