I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
