i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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