dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
