Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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