This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
