your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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