zippers are such a cool invention
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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