this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
