I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
