You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
