i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
