hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
