matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just gift wrapped bread.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
