I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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