Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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