His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
