forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
