I wanna passion pit in your ass
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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