I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
FUCK WHALES
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