Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
