fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
