I think i sorta joined a cult last night
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
