Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
