well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
