i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
