How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They have beer where we have blood.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
