I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
