If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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