well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
