I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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