there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
