She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
