Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
