wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
