I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
