he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
