i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
