Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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