Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
