lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
