Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So squirting runs in the family.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
