peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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