Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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