I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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