the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
