I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
