i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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