OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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