I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
