u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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