My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm passing your future prison.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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