Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
