Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
