So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
