You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
