So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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