I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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