you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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