my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
