I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
