Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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