Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
