It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
