I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
