I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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