: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
