I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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