i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
