u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
