my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
