i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize