Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
